"Discovery vs. Staying Stuck"
Discovery is one of the most powerful tools in recovery.
As childhood abuse survivors, we may assume the worst outcome, or may just be stuck because of some fear of what may result out of our actions.
For example, I am afraid of saying "no" to others, because I fear that they will "get mad" at me if I do. This fear is not even conscious. Being exposed to abusive environment has wired my brain in such a way.
Originally, this was a way of protecting myself. If I said "no", I may have been beaten. By not saying "no", I saved myself from the beating.
But now, in my life, people are not like my father. This protective skill is no longer needed for survival.
WE CAN re-wire our brains through discovery.
The brain is extremely plastic and can be changed over and over again, no matter our age. Here is how you can use the discovery tools:
1. Notice Your Belief
"I believe that if I tell my friend I'm angry with him, he'll leave."
"I believe that calling a hotline will make me feel more depressed."
2. Find An Image (Optional)
If you wish to, think of an image that helps you discover:
An explorer
A detective
A curious child
An artist
A scientist examining
3. Discover Using These Tools
A. Ask People
Check out your belief by asking others. The more people you ask, the better.
I.e. "If I ask my support workers for help, they will be annoyed." --> I asked my support workers if this is true. They spoke to me in a warm tone, saying that it is important to them that I ask them for help when I need it.
B. Try It And See
Try doing it, and see what happens. Just do it.
I.e. "If I sign up for the president role, Heather will think that I am not worthy of it." --> I emailed heather that I wanted to run for the president role. She replied saying that I would make a great president.
C. Predict
Compare what you think will happen to what actually happens.
I.e. "I'm not good enough. I will never be able to sing over C." -->I set a goal to practice my high notes every day, and eventually was able to sing over C.
D. Act As If
Try out a more positive belief to see how it feels. It is especially helpful in situations where you cannot actually find out the truth.
I.e. "I have no friends." --> For a week, I pretended that I had a lot of friends that I could hang out with. I hung out with three different people. Turns out, I have friends!
Finishing Words...
Every time you do something, you reenforce that behaviour by creating neuro-connections in your brain. Trying discovery may be scary or awkward at first. BUT! The first few times are the hardest. It will get easier and easier, and you will be able to change your beliefs that are ingrained inside by the past.
