"Boundary Problems Related To PTSD and Substance Abuse"
Foreword
*You may get upset reading this post if you have PTSD or substance abuse. Only read it if you feel safe and/or have access to support from safe people. Stop reading if it is upsetting.
List of Boundary Problems
People with PTSD and substance abuse may be prone to the following boundary problems:
Extremes: trusting too much or too little; isolation or enmeshment
Relationships that are brittle--easily damaged and fragile
Tolerating others' flaws too much; doing anything to preserve the relationship
Use of substances as an attempt to connect with others
Avoiding relationships because they are too painful
Overcompliance at times and too much resistance at other times
Always being the one to give
Spending time with unsafe people
Not seeing the hostility in others' words or actions
Being overly angry, with a hair-trigger temper; often ready to "blow up"
Difficulty expressing feelings; expressing them in actions rather than words (acting out)
May respect men for being "strong" and disrespect women for being "weak"
Feeling that one can never get over a loss; not knowing how to mourn; fear of abandonment
Difficulty getting out of bad relationships
Confusion between fear and attraction (i.e. feeling excited when it is really fear
Relationships with people who use substances
Living for someone else rather than yourself
Manipulation: guilt, threats, or lying
Reenactments: getting involved in repeated destructive relationship patterns (i.e. recreating the trauma roles of abuser, bystander, victim, rescuer, or accomplice)
"Stockholm Syndrome": feeling attachment and love for the abuser
Wanting to be rescued; wanting others to take responsibility for the relationship
Confusion about what is appropriate in relationships: What can one rightly expect of others? When should a relationship end? How much should one give in a relationship/ Is it okay to say "no" to others?
"Identification with the agressor" believing the abuser is right
Which of These Problems Do You Identify With?
Talk to your counselor about the points that apply to you, and ask for help overcoming these problems. Counselling is a service free of charge if you are in Canada. If you do not already have one, call the Mental Health association of your city to start working with one.
Meanwhile, read more on setting good boundaries in relationships--saying "no" in relationships, and saying "yes" in relationships.
Afterwords...
Change is possible. When you hear your PTSD telling you that you will never get out of this darkness, catch that thought and cast it aside. Thoughts are just thoughts. However you may feel, the truth is that you will overcome these symptoms and replace unhelpful coping skills with helpful ones.
