"I Don't Take Shit From Anyone Anymore"
I'd like to share my life with you in hopes of providing insight into life as a child abuse survivor. Uncensored, here you will only see honesty and truth without a veil.
Yesterday, while studying with my textbook, I was getting so distressed because I couldn't get myself to understand a concept from the book. I was panicking. I was about to start crying/screaming/destroying property, then get even more panicky because of the guilt I would feel for being "the way I am". This hasn't happened to be in a long time, though it was a common occurence until I started treatment.
Thanks to therapy, I now know how to deal with this. I stopped and recognized that this panick attack comes from abuse from my childhood. I told myself, "It's okay. You're safe here. Dad's not here and he can't harm you anymore." I took several deep breaths, and took a break from the study.
I found this AMAZING.
Without the tools I've gained, I would have gotten lost in the distress and panick, all the more blind about the fact that this is not my fault.
I started writing this down on my journal. Now, keep in mind that I don't usually swear.
I got triggered while recalling the abuse, as you can see below. Again, I knew how to deal with the distress and not let it drag me down to an infinite hole. I let myself express my distress and anger in a healthy way (through writing) before I started cooling myself down.
Afterwords...
Have you ever had those triggering moments that make you wonder, "Why am I like this"? You must realize that it is not your fault. Though you may be able to learn this basic idea by yourself, I strongly advise you to find a therapist and a counselor in your area. The service should be free of any charge.
