"Learning Positivity"
Do you have negative thoughts that are so harmful yet seemingly true when you have them? "I'm afraid I will never become great.", "What if my friends don't like me? Maybe I shouldn't ask for help.", "I'm so ugly.",
Positivity, like despair and negativity, can be learned. It is a skill that we can all teach ourselves. And it is the most important skill that we need in order to succeed in ANY career or pursuit! Positivity, confidence, believing in yourself..
I was talking to my support worker yesterday. I was crying because I had the thought, "What if I can never become the great person I want to be because of the child abuse I went through? I'm so bitter." He told me something revolutionary. He told me that I am already great right now right here, and asked me "how do you define great?". When I think of "great", I think of influential, famous people that people have put on the pedestal. "Number one singer", "Top of the charts songs", names that we all know... "Nelson Mandela", "Whitney Houston"...
Then I realized that just because they are famous for greatness does not mean they are greater than some others who are not famous! There are many singers out there who can sing better than singers that sweep the top of the charts.
Then I realized that I have an intense fear of not becoming great--when asked why, I said that I'm afraid I'll just be nobody. I am NOT nobody! I have done great things in life that are unique to me. Do you see how deceptive these thoughts are? These thoughts have NOTHING to do with the present, they come from the past! The feeling of unworthiness that I felt as a little girl being put down by my father is being re-experienced!
Our negative thoughts come from our negative experiences. A good friend of mine who is a lovely, beautiful lady sometimes says, "I'm an ugly duckling". She had been bullied in high school by some boys that called her an ugly duckling once. Now she is over 30 years old and still affected by the negative words that she heard when she was a young girl.
We must make conscious choices to catch and kill negative thoughts. I'd like to help you with this!
Here are some practical ways to teach yourself to focus on positive affirmations and drive out the negative voices in your head.
1. Positivity Jar
Get a medium sized jar. Whenever something good happens to you, write that down with the date on a small piece of paper, then throw it into the jar. It could be a compliment that someone gave you, something you are grateful about, or a pleasant surprise. At the end of every month, take out all the papers in the jar and read it to yourself. You can also do it when you are feeling down.
When I started using my positivity jar, I realized that I was getting in the habit of dwelling on good things. I would keep on reminding myself of the good thing that happened during the day so that I can remember to put it in the jar when I get home.
2. New Tape
We all have self-talk inside our heads which leads to the emotions we feel. Thoughts come before feelings, and we do not necessarily think our thoughts consciously--we may not be aware of the thought we are having unless we consciously pay attention to it. If you have been abused growing up, it is most likely that you have "old tapes" in your head that keeps replaying itself and make you feel unworthy, depressed, and scared.
Change the old tapes by literally creating a new tape. Record a CD or tape with compassionate, soothing statements. You can also ask significant people in your life to record statements on it too. Play the tape whenever your harsh self-talk comes up!
