"5 Places To Start For Breaking The Family Abuse Cycle"
History shows that adults who have been abused as a child are far more likely to become abusive. What I'd like to stress is that NOT ALL of them turn out to be abusers. If you are willing to make that choice, sure enough you can become the loving, gentle person that you would like to become, through healing and learning skills that you weren't taught as a child.
In my case, I am ready to break the cycle of physical and emotional abuse that was passed down from my grandmother to my father to me. I made a vow not to EVER abuse my own children if they arrive in the world. I didn't just stop with that vow and that desire, I've been seeking and searching to gather tools that I need so I can COMPLETELY break down that abuse cycle.
I wake up in the morning thinking, "It is a blessing that I get another chance today to grow and become who I want to be." Where there is a will, there is a way. It is possible for us to live the life we deserve, except when we are not here anymore. Remember your breath! You made it this far.
1. Start With The Mind
If you want to change anything in your life, you must first change your mind. This means training your mind to think positive and towards the direction you want to go. Stop repeating to yourself, "I'm scared of having a family because I'm afraid of family abuse and disasters." Grab a hold of your thoughts and change them to positive.
2. In Your Friend Circle
Start opening up to your friends. Be honest, and don't be afraid to tell them about the troubles you are going through. Start practicing your Strategies for Emotional Intelligence skills when interacting with your friends so that it becomes your second nature to communicate in a non-abusive, non-violent, and effective way.
3. The Counselling Office
My personal experience tells me that getting connected with a counselor is extremely (if not most) important in healing and thus breaking the cycle of abuse. Not only do they help you emotionally through active listening and therapy, they help you find community support for addictions/housing/your career goals/leisure activities. See a counselor every week. Be completely honestwith your counselor, and make sure that you feel safe and supported by your counselor. If not, ask for a different one.
4. In Your Abusive Family
Dare to be different. You are not LIKE them. Do not take on their ways of resentment and bitterness towards the family members. Instead find ways to understand their point of view and behaviour. Forgiving does not mean saying, "What you did was okay.", it means that you will move on nevertheless. If they do not change, then eliminate them from your life. Yes, I said it, ELIMINATE THEM. This is because who you surround yourself with is what you become.
Put in your best efforts into your healing. Getting healed is a crucial part of forgiveness as you won't be able to completely forgive them if you are not healed and happy.
5. On The Street, At The Bank....
Throughout the day you meet strangers. These strangers have their own stories. And they matter. There is an excellent trait that I've been given through the abuse I went through: This is that I know how to be empathic. Use this gift. Turn it into a strength. Empathy is a trait that every successful person posesses. (To find out the importance of empathy go to Empathy and Emotional Intelligence)
Use your empathy towards the people that you encounter. Not only does random acts of kindness make their life better but it makes you a stronger, more powerful person.
