"I've Been Abused But I Can Still Fall In Love"

“What is love?”

Was the top question searched on Google in 2014.

I believe that in order for us to experience love in our close relationships and with the world, we need to first love ourselves.

Loving ourselves will lead us to healthy ways of being. This will lead to positive relationships. When we are in a mess, our relationships will no doubt have troubles! Two wrongs don’t make a right!

When we know how to respect ourselves and value ourselves, we can learn how to respect others. When we know how to listen to ourselves and our needs, we can learn to do so for others. But without this foundation of learning to love ourselves, we cannot love others the way they need to be loved.

Here is my recent personal experience that taught me about “love”.

I had a huge crush on a friend that I played in a band with. He was very talented and physically attractive. Soon, though, he told me about his strong feelings towards me and we were both basically crazy about each other.

I couldn’t let him in and get too close to him because I knew that I’ve been hurt by my abused childhood and it is extremely hard for me to have stable relationships at this point. When I let him know about this, he respected my choices and we decided that it is best that we don’t see each other for some time and then catch up as friends when the feelings dissipate.

I am positive that this is the right choice in the long run. While I get better from my fear of abandonment, anxiety and other issues caused by child abuse, it is good for me to have friends, but not disastrous relationships. (My borderline personality disorder leads almost all intimate relationships to disasters.)

If I had let loose and decided to become intimate with him, soon our “love” would have burnt out and all its beauty would have flown away with the smoke. However, my choice was to respect myself and think about what I really need. This way we would also be able to keep our friendship without damaging it.

In order for me to have successful intimate relationships, I know that I need to recover from the consequences of child abuse including my Borderline Personality Disorder and Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. This is how I love myself: I’m treating ME with whatever I need in order to recover and become mentally healthy.

I believe in love. I believe that it is not something you have to search for. It is right where you are. When you learn and try hard to love yourself, sooner or later love will come to you.

#IveBeenAbusedButICanStillFallInLove